Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
