i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
