last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
