alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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