I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
