This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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