I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
