the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
