I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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