man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
