he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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