I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
