I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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