good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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