trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
