i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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