Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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