Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
