Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
