we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
