I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
