Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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