I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
BRING THE BAGELS
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