Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
