but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
