Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
