just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
