You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
