I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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