A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
