I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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