this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
