so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
