I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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