she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
