the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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