remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
