I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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