Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
