I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
