just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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