so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize