Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
