$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
