Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are a genius and a whore.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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