if only i could text you this smell
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
