I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
