haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
