dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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