Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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