Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
