I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
