Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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