i think my tv is drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
