Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
