So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
