well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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