I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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