I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize