it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
