With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
