1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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