I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
