Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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