If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize