Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize