Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
