i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
