I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize