I think i peed on brittanys purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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