I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
