no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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