There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize