Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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