They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
