im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
