my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
